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OiFuto Sat 3rd March. FJ Cup Quarter-final
CLEVER PLOY
First things first. Maz. When the grinning assassin of the Vags midfield trotted out into the middle in BLACK TIGHTS, there was an awed silence from the BFC ranks, looking box-fresh with new Reuters logo splashed across their kits.
He looked like a cross between Right Said Fred and Catwoman. It was unseasonably warm too, so one can only assume the BLACK TIGHTS were some kind of clever ploy on Maz's part. It worked.
Maz, who can head the ball further than most of us can hoof it, was everywhere and arguably shaded Shosuke and Jon for man of the match.
BFC, missing six regulars and with only three recognised defenders, lined up in an unfamiliar 3-5-2, a system that has never really worked well for them in the past. It didn't on Saturday either. Superior finishing was the difference.
Despite the attacking quality in the BFC midfield it was Maz, Simon and Paul the Lodger who were hungrier, working their socks off to deny the first team any space to work in.
DISTINCTLY FISHY
Cheesed off with Vags' tenacity and a horribly bumpy pitch, BFC unsually resorted to Route One, which got them nowhere against the Gedi Warrior and Mighty Quinny. At least until a distinctly fishy moment after 20 minutes of not a lot.
The BFC finally deciding to try and play a shorter game, Carlos flicked a chest-high ball into Alastair, who teed up Garry (henceforth to be known as The Fish) -- THUMP! 1-0.
The Fish (he knows an awful lot about mackerel) producing a superb strike from the edge of the box into the bottom corner, giving Taylor no chance.
Half-chances came and went in a hail of verbal jousting between the usual suspects before a defensive slip from the Vags let in Jon, who snapped up the chance and buried a right-foot shot past Taylor to make it 2-0.
Back came the Vags, though, exploiting space where the BFC wing-backs should have been. Tracking back is not really in the vocabulary of BFC's wide men, and Alex Sahara almost made them pay, clipping the edge of post with a curling effort.
Jason claims he had it covered. But he always says that. He spends a lot of time with former BFC keeper Sid Lloyd.
MOBILE PHONE
With the Vags increasing the pressure before the break, Simon then found himself in a wonderful position but just as he was about to pull the trigger Muzzy's bird called on the mobile and the Sparkler pulled his shot wide. And then started swearing at aeroplanes. It took a bobble, surely.
Resisting the temptation to throw Silver Fox Adrian Thomas into the fray for the start of the second half, BFC kept their 60-year-old trump card on the sideline and persevered with the same 3-5-2 formation.
The BLACK-TIGHTED Maz kept heading everything in his way, at one point heading Evans about five metres, leaving the Eggman holding his ear in classic 'DJ pose' for the remainder of the game.
Shosuke was also catapulted into the blackberry bushes by the MAN IN BLACK TIGHTS, who picked up a yellow. For violating sensible dress code on a field of sport involving MEN.
Gedi, meanwhile, kept up the chirpy banter. All was normal. And then it wasn't, at least not for BFC. Simon smashed a long-range drive against the bar -- phew! -- before it threatened to go completely pear-shaped when Lindsay pulled a ridiculous goal out of his arsenal.
TIZER
Finding himself in space on the left, he mullered the ball from fully 30 metres over Jason, who barely had time to look up from his Tom Clancy novel before warnings of 'Incoming!' prompted him to fall out of his deckchair and spill his can of Tizer.
Alex, who had done a fine job as a lone striker for Vags, then went on a long, mazy one, turning Morson inside out and then back to front, but the Ginger Mauler held Alex up just long enough for Stevie to get a toe in at the last second. Plume de ma tante!
It took a moment of magic from Shosuke to finally bring relief to the BFC, the little Japanese fella wriggling past a few kung-fu tackles and whipping a cross over for Jon, who clinically tucked the ball into the corner on the volley before lighting up a victory fag.
FREDDIE STARR ATE MY HAMSTER
Cue BFC celebrations, followed by a sharp 'XXXX off back to your own half!' from the Gedi. Maz, who by now must have been sweating heavily inside those BLACK TIGHTS, kept heading balls into orbit. Carlos kept playing keepy-uppy with himself, Gedi kept exchanging pleasantries and politely asking if Shosuke was alright everytime he was clattered.
BFC finally sent Adrian into battle and battle he did, thrilling everyone with a couple of Ronaldo-esque stepovers (well, he DID just get a ground for us on his day off!) in a 15-minute cameo of dreams.
And so into the semi-finals, although the Vags did enough to show that, if they win promotion, they could not only survive, but indeed prosper, in TML Division One. Stevie and the Fish both had debuts to be proud of for BFC in a nice day out by the airport.
But did you know that Paraguay was land-locked, despite Pablo's insistence to Paraguayan Carlos it had a coastline? And did I mention Garry used to sell fish to the Japanese? Mackerel, in fact. Fabrique Belgique!
Report by Crumpled Dunlop
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