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 Misato, Sun 5th April.
A generous cloud of dust, 1000 bobbles, 5 yellow cards, two moments of skill, one ludicrous goal, a mental linesman and a patridge in a pear tree. It would be enough for this not-so-roving reporter to leave it at that and our readers would get the general idea of what happened at Misato in this rumbunctious cup tie.
However, where would we be without the details?? Knee-deep in sin is my hope! But here they are anyway.
Sala FC started without Masa (out through injury) and Toby (out on the piss), and so it was that Big Stu Anderson partnered Deadly Dhugal up front, and Lenny pushed up to left wing with Yusuke slotting in behind him. Oooer. Alongside Yusuke was Clarkey, Ian and Dan in the back four, and alongside Lenny was Guido, Scotty and Shige in midfield.
The first decent move of the match saw a fine through ball from Lenny, whose eyesight in spotting the gap in the French defence was simply telescopic. Dhugal brought the ball down superbly on his chest, breaking the offside trap like so many times before in the season, and charged in on goal. He picked his spot but the French keeper saved well with an outstretched boot.
The game didn`t start with much flow as both teams tried to get to grips with the conditions, but it was Sala who again threatened next with strong claims for a penalty unjustly turned down. A through ball from Scotty into the box was chased by Stu who got there just before two French defenders clattered into him. It was clearly a foul but the ref chose to give a freekick outside the box instead of a penalty. To be fair to him his view may have been obscured by the oodles of dust kicking about. Then Lenny pinged the freekick off the wall.
The best work from the French was all coming through Nasser and Dre, who produced some nice touches in the middle but against a strong Sala defence and an alert Sid in goal they couldn't produce much in the final third.
At this point, most of Sala's best work was being done by the defenders. Yusuke, Dan, Clarkey and Ian were all managing to intercept French attacks by coming to meet the ball ahead of the opposing strikers. A fine strategy on such a pitch. These defensive interceptions also started most of Sala's attacks, with Guido taking the ball off the back four and either hitting Dhugal and Stu up front, or switching play to the right, where Shige created two shots and several crossing opportunities for himself. The elusive first goal wouldn't come though and Sala were starting to look a little frustrated, especially after Dhugal hit the post from Lenny's quality corner.
So, there was everything to play for in the second half. Tobias even turned up and joined Dhugal up front in a familiar partnership. Some nice one-touch passing from Sala worked well and showed that Brookey's half-time teamtalk had hit home. Quick ball movement and direct attacking play are crucial if you want to win at Misato. Captain Brookebastard also led by example on the pitch, coming on for Lenny with Shige switching to the left and Brookey marauding down the right. He immediately made and impact with a run down the right which demonstrated equal amounts of skill and power, but still no goal.
The next fifteen minutes changed everything though. Sala's control of possession and two classy runs from Shige yeilded two goals and earned Sala their passage to the semis. It was the first time that Sala had convincingly shown that there was a division seperating the two teams. For the first goal Shige picked the ball up on the left and skipped inside his marker, then into the box. He drew another defender in before softly playing a through ball in behind the French defence, which Dhugal sprinted onto. A French defender got there first but he only succeeded in touching it by his own keeper and onto the post. The rebound fell to Dhugal who tapped the ball home. A pretty cheap but important goal. Sala 1, France 0.
The next was better. A flowing passing move starting with Lenny to Yusuke then onto Guido, who found Shige. He cut in from the left again, beat two guys and squared to Toby, who took a touch then steered the ball into the top corner continuing his hot scoring streak. Sala 2, France 0.
In between these goals the match got dirty with tackles flying in, mouths mouthing off, yellow cards being dished out and evryone's ancestory being questioned. There was time left for the French to create several penalty box scrambles, have a penalty claim turned down, for Nasser to beautifully nutmeg Shige (choochoo), and for Toby to come close when he should have really blasted home.
 So why the bizarre headline you cry? In the game's funniest moment, Lenny's telescopic vision deserted him. Dan and Brookey were covering the posts on a French corner when the ball was cleared and immediately hit back in behind the Sala defence. Several onside French players charged in on Sid, the goal and Dan and Brookey, who weren't wearing bush disguises, only for the now myopic linesman Lenny to raise his flag for offside. The referee blew his whistle, Dan and Brookey wiped the cunning stripe of white paint off their chests and the French went berserk. Fill a bag with shit and punch it! They screamed. In French. Joking aside though it was an honest mistake from a very honest player.
And that was that.
Congrats to Sala, commiserations to the French, and hearty thanks to them, too, for giving us beer after the game.
Man of the match - Shige Legs You Could Drive A Train Through Chino.
Report by Scorchio
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